DON'T OPEN TILL CHRISTMAS

Tagline: ...t'was the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring...they were all dead!
Aka:-

Fröhliche Weihnacht (West Germany)
Nie otwieraj do bozego narodzenia (Poland)
No abrir hasta Navidad     (Spain)
Non aprite prima di Natale!   Directed by Edmund Purdom Written by Derek Ford Additional Scenes Written and Directed by Al  McGoohan Firstly I've got to say this is a very strange slasher movie. It allegedly  took two years and three directors to make this film, a fact bourne  out by the differences in film stock and footage quality. The story  bounces around a bit with plot lines left unresolved and some  characters disjointed. Despite, or some might say, because of this it is an immensally  fun movie to watch especially with ample supplies of alcohol. The plot involves a serial killer bumping off Santa's in a variety of inventive and gruesome ways (charbroiled santa anyone?). The cops, led by Eric Purdhom ( Pieces -another top notch gore fest)  as inspecter Ian Harris, are inept and prone to long pointless dialogue direct to camera. The first victims daughter (Belinda Mayne of Krull fame) and her flute busking boyfriend (Gerry Sundquist  of Space 1999) are pointlessley harrassed by the police, as is a  topless model Pat Astley (Come play with me) who survives the  attention of the killer (possibly he was distracted by her tits which  are displayed at every possible opportunity). There is a great vignette involving a gang of convincing looking  80s Punks stealing a drunk Santa's bike. Nothing to do with the  plot but fun nontheless. With the cops running around in ever decreasing circles its  left to Kelly Baker (Slaughter High), as the whore with a  heart of gold to identify and kill the serial killer (Alan Lake - husband of Diana Dors and star of such classics as Blakes 7  and Juliet Bravo). Interestingly part of the film is set in the London Dungeon - for what purpose I am unsure but it adds a good backdrop  to the gore. All in all a comic slasher with some good old fashioned gore effects. 3 dead santas and a cut throat razor

DEMONS aka Dance of the Demons (west Germany)

TAG LINE - They will make cemeteries their cathedrals and the cities will be your tombs.

An 1985 Italian horror classic filmed in West Berlin, produced by DARIO ARGENTO and directed by LAMBERTO BAVA.

Some of the film stars are Fiore Argento (Dario's other quite hot daughter) and Urbano Barberini (of CASINO ROYALE & tv drama STRATHBLAIR - I kid you not!)

Referred to by DESTROY ALL MOVIES (the ultimate PUNK movie guide) as containing every componant of Italian cult Horror DEMONS is indeed Classic although the scene with punks in a stolen car rocking out to GO WEST does make me laugh.

It involves the idea of life imitating Art whereas the 'victims' are lured to a cinema to watch a preview of a new film (the film within the film). In fact this whole project could be argued as Art imitating life imitating art.

The horror begins when one of the cinemagoers decides to mess around with the display of the film props in the foyer - a demon mask, which cuts her face.

During the screening of the mystery movie - which seems to contain a bizarre cross section of the public - a pimp and his two whores, a old married couple, a blind man(!) and his niece, and then the standard group of young teens, the film they watch starts to slowly resemble what is happening to the filmgoer with the scratch on her face.....

Some may argue that the some of the plot is totally barmy, for example riding a motorbike up and down the aisles of the cinema, the doors of the cinema being bricked up (by whom and why?) within a hour or two, or the helicopter falling out of the sky into the middle of the cinema - but for me this lack of logic resembles a nightmare type quality.

Even after all this time the film contains some highly gross gore scenes i.e. one of the demons tearing someone's scalp off, a blind man having his eyeballs gorged out, etc.

What really works for me is the sense of entrapment and claustrophobia within the cinema (Itself a gorgeous art deco cinema in west berlin called the Metropol) and the menace of anyone scratched, bitten or gouged by a demon turning into a demon themselves in short order. This leads uncertainty as to who will 'get it next'...a great suspense tool.

Although the action takes place in the cinema there  is a constant subtext that the outside world is going to hell in the same way, confirmation of which arrives in the form of the aforementioned helecopter dropping through the cinema roof.

As the film draws to a close, our two remaining heroes escape the cinema but are no better off in the outside world...this leads me to think there was a sequel mooted which is not DEMONS 2 which has nothing to do with the first one and is, frankly, a bit of a let down.

The film was unsuprisingly cut on its original UK release in the 80s, but supprisingly not due to its gore scenes, but for one scene which has a punk girl spill some cocaine on her boobs and her  Punk boyfriend runs a razorblade up and down her breast to retrieve the spilled coke  (Obviously a big no no for the UK film censors)! Personally I'd have licked it off....but I digress.

The film is a bit dated now, what with its movie soundtrack containing such artists as Go West and Billy Idol, but some of the other bands i.e. Saxon and Motley Crue, their songs are in keeping with the general tone of the movie. 

All in all highly recommended!

Oh and stay tuned to the film during the end credits....

5 beers out of 5  (or 5 evil demon masks out of 5!)

 

THE DEVILS NIGHTMARE aka La plus longue nuit du diable aka Vampire Playgirls

Tag Lines : Can You Be Possessed By The Devil?

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EXORCISM! The one last hope for the possessed ... But this time the devil wins!

A Belgian , Italian co production set in Eastern Europe  written and produced by Jean Brismee.


Starring Erika Blanc (CURSE OF THE DEAD aka KILL BABY KILL & THE NIGHT EVELYN CAME OUT OF THE GRAVE) the sometime sex kitten from Italy this film could easily have been produced by JESS FRANCO, dripping, as it is, with scantlily clad temptresses and even managing to fit a lesbian love scene into the proceedings.

The story involves a party of tourists, seven of them each representing one of the seven deadly sins, taking refuge in a creepy castle overnight after the tour coach driver gets lost or the road is blocked or something - Yes that old chesnut.
The Baron, wonderfully played by Jean Servais (THE LONGEST DAY) comes from a long line of cursed German Aristocrats. Cursed by having their eldest daughters turn in Succubus the baron employes a suitably creepy butler and demented housekeeper and in the opening sequence kills his baby daughter during an air raid in world war two.
In a nutshell the Baron's daughter (Erika Blanc) wanders the corridors, wearing a costume made from a shoelace, bumping off the tourists one by one according to their percieved 'sins'.

She only really runs into any resistance when she attempts to seduce the shy priest (Jacques Monseau) who gets bored halfway through an excorcism and runs away hiding in a church. The devil . brilliantly played by Daniel Emilfork (CITY OF THE LOST CHILDREN) turns up and does a deal with the priest who then wakes up in bed, you've guessed it, it was all a dream.

If watched in the right mood this movie can be very entertaining - either if your a fan of 1970s sexpot euro actresses or for exploitation trash film buffs .

Film Highlights: The lesbian love scene, Erika Blanc turning into a Succubi

Ratings: 3.5 beers out of 5  (or 3.5 boobs out of 5)