aka URBAN JUSTICE
It is no secret that I am a sucker for Steven Segal films, not great works of art but bring to the screen exactly what you want on a wet Sunday afternoon with a becks on the go. This is a pretty formularised plot - man with a violent past (Segal natch) out to revenge the killing of his cop son in a seemingly random gang related drive by in Los Angeles. He gets a seedy flat above a liquer store and proceeds to attack every gang banger in sight - obviously they are not to blame so he ends up kicking corrupt coppers - cliche'd yes - boring NO!
The cameo by DANNY TREJO is a bonus.
Some great fight scenes and even a gang of neo nazis getting a kicking to prove that the film isnt racist, Some of the dialogue is priceless
" Gonna dip your motherfuckin ass in warm olive oil and put you on roller skates" is one gem..
Steven Segal, a man dumb enough to bring a fist to a gun fight.
Warning this film contains several flashbacks from Segal's character where he goes through the entire plot (just in case you forgot he was out for revenge / justice)
Great fun, 4 stars and a knuckle duster.
Sunday, 25 October 2009
ADVENTURES IN POUNDLAND HORROR - No 5 - JIGSAW
TAGLINE - PUT HIM TOGETHER, HE WILL TEAR YOU APART
Wow what a turkey, what a waste of a good plot, what an exhibition of bad acting and lacklustre gore.
Wow what a turkey, what a waste of a good plot, what an exhibition of bad acting and lacklustre gore.The Plot involves a bunch af very adult looking art students who are each given a piece of a mannequin dummy, as part of an art project (which for some strange reason the art teacher decides to do in a bar?!) This results in a destinctly punk rock looking dummy (Metal Mowhawk et al.). Obviously each mannequin body part has significance to the artist and back tales of incest, murder and abuse pad out the film. It could be interesting but somehow it is boring. I think it may have been the beers I'd had or the one dimensional characters but I didnt give a fuck - Yep I wanted them to die so I could go off and do something more interesting with my life (such as pair up my bloody sock draw or something!). Wow they even manage to pad out the running time but telling us not once but twice all of the actors in the movie credits at the end! Warning this movie contains one of the female characters dancing in a very short skirt and bra revealing top, drunkenly dancing in a bar for what feels like forever...
no stars and even a minus one for no boobs and very little gore.
ADVENTURES IN POUNDLAND HORROR - No 4 - CAT O'NINE TAILS
Part of the DARIO ARGENTO Giallo collection
DARIO ARGENTO is a master of the Italian Horror Genre and this is a skillfully crafted work of suspense and violence. The scenes are perfectly filmed and the set looks as if it has been stolen from the MAN FROM UNCLE. It is actually supposed to be a clinic specialising in designer babies for rich couples and the industrial espionage subplot does actually work.
The story - A blind man (Karl Malden dubbed into Italian) and his young niece witness a murder and set out with the help of a local journalist (James Fransiscus) to solve the rapidly mounting body count. The references to Hitchcock abound as the suspense is increased. The action pauses midway hrough the film for an inexplicable car chase and every now and again the secrets of italian cooking are revealed for no apparent reason.
Warning - this movie contains a female character whose every item of clothing that she wears appears to have been shredded by a cat...
Overall a cut above the normal collection of b movies to be found at poundland and with a couple of beers went down a treat.
DARIO ARGENTO is a master of the Italian Horror Genre and this is a skillfully crafted work of suspense and violence. The scenes are perfectly filmed and the set looks as if it has been stolen from the MAN FROM UNCLE. It is actually supposed to be a clinic specialising in designer babies for rich couples and the industrial espionage subplot does actually work.
The story - A blind man (Karl Malden dubbed into Italian) and his young niece witness a murder and set out with the help of a local journalist (James Fransiscus) to solve the rapidly mounting body count. The references to Hitchcock abound as the suspense is increased. The action pauses midway hrough the film for an inexplicable car chase and every now and again the secrets of italian cooking are revealed for no apparent reason.
Warning - this movie contains a female character whose every item of clothing that she wears appears to have been shredded by a cat...
Overall a cut above the normal collection of b movies to be found at poundland and with a couple of beers went down a treat.
Sunday, 18 October 2009
ADVENTURES IN POUNDLAND HORROR - No 3 - AUTOPSY
AUTOPSY - A LOVE STORY
CHARLIE BICKLE HAS JUST MET THE GIRL OF HIS DREAMS..UNFORTUNATELY SHE DIED THREE DAYS AGO
A very stange, sick and disturbing offering from the good folks at BRAIN DAMAGE films (http://www.braindamagefilms.com/).
Charlie Bickle works in a morgue which harvests organs for the illegal transplant trade. The boss of the enterprise is played by the ever barking mad JOE ESTEVEZ (brother of the rather more famous Martin Sheen) as a cigar munching lunatic. Great over acting and hystronics from Mr Estevez. The plot involves attempts to shut the morgue down by the environmental health officers and Bickle's madcap attempt to get rid of 60 corpses overnight. Did I mention that Bickle not just talks to the corpses but he starts to go on a date with one of the Jane Doe's in the morgue.. Bickle has an crippled wife at home and embarks on an affair with the twin sister of a corpse he has fallen in love with. There is a great sick scene where he takes the corpse to dinner with his mother's ashes. If decomposing bodies and comedy is your thing this film will not let you down. It is however the product of a very sick mind.
2 stars plus 1 more for Joe Estafez!
ADVENTURES IN POUNDLAND HORROR - No 2 - STRANGE THINGS HAPPEN AT SUNDOWN
"They're Psychopaths, Sociopaths, Killers, Loonies, Weirdos... Oh Yeah, One more thing... They're all Vampires" - the worlds longest tagline compounded by a second tagline.."You wont never want to see a sunset again" - Ouch!
The packaging to this DVD is bloody awful but the film is rather good. I mean the cover doesn't exactly sell this film as being very exciting.
A better tagline for this movie is Goodfellas with fangs. This is a New York indie (from Insane - O - Rama )Productions) http://www.insane-o-rama.com/ where Vampires are just regular Joe's with fangs, mobsters, Hooligans and (I love this twist) born again Christians. Yep Kill for blood all your life and Jesus will forgive you so everythings ok.
The Grim Reaper puts in an appearance as a hit man who used to be Vlad The Impaler (Que frat boy being impaled up the bum and the reapers comment "I havent done that for a long time"). He is married to the houseproud psychopath Countess Bathory. the sub plot about a smelly sock is priceless.
Two Vamps steal the Vamp Mobsters cash and do a runner to Canada where they are being pursued by the Reaper.
Warning this film contains gratuitious scantly clad young woman writhing on the floor covered in blood, oh and stoner kids being turned into zombies...
Blood Guts and laughs, this is the perfect Night in with Beer film and well worth the Poundland quid
4 stars and a bit of garlic.
The packaging to this DVD is bloody awful but the film is rather good. I mean the cover doesn't exactly sell this film as being very exciting.
A better tagline for this movie is Goodfellas with fangs. This is a New York indie (from Insane - O - Rama )Productions) http://www.insane-o-rama.com/ where Vampires are just regular Joe's with fangs, mobsters, Hooligans and (I love this twist) born again Christians. Yep Kill for blood all your life and Jesus will forgive you so everythings ok.
The Grim Reaper puts in an appearance as a hit man who used to be Vlad The Impaler (Que frat boy being impaled up the bum and the reapers comment "I havent done that for a long time"). He is married to the houseproud psychopath Countess Bathory. the sub plot about a smelly sock is priceless.
Two Vamps steal the Vamp Mobsters cash and do a runner to Canada where they are being pursued by the Reaper.
Blood Guts and laughs, this is the perfect Night in with Beer film and well worth the Poundland quid
4 stars and a bit of garlic.
Saturday, 17 October 2009
ADVENTURES IN POUNDLAND HORROR - No 1 - BLOOD GNOME
A love of a bargain and a love of horror met head on in Poundland. The stream of bankrupt stock coming through Poundland reflects the effects that the recession is having on the movie industry and provides a way of seeing films for a quid. The good the bad and the bloody strange.
BLOOD GNOME (Terror right under your feet) is a film so bad they felt the need to give it a second tag line (Creatures with a voracious appetite for blood)
BLOOD GNOME is an indie with ideas of grandeur and, given the sort of budget ROB ZOMBIE is now given there is a real chance it would turn out less of a prime Turkey than this one.
The Plot, such as it is, involves a Police Camera man (Vincent Bilancio - who looks remarkably like JAKE BURNS from STIFF LITTLE FINGERS) with a strange x-ray camera (an excuse for a shot seeing through a buxom Police womans clothes) who is investigating a series of brutal murders within the S & M scene. There is a long period where the movie trys to explain the mysteries of the various fetish sub genres with explanitory footage of naked people hurting each other. Not gratuitous at all and pads out a film that would be 15 minutes long if plot driven alone.
With the help of a stunningly beautiful BETTY PAGE lookalike (Mellissa Pursley) who happens to be a expert on S & M, the perpetrators of the murders are revealled be Blood Gnomes (Creatures from another dimension we are told helpfully on the box!) who look like someone has attacked a potato with a screwdriver and not the fishing on toadtools in the garden variety.
The final confrontation scene , a whirl of dry ice, blood set in a Gay nightclub, is dire. The den mother of the Gnomes is eaten by them and they inexplicably disapear in a flash of light.
If its sex and violence you want the film will not disappoint, if its good acting and a beliveable plot you want forget it.
Overall a 1 star film with 2 stars for mellissa Pursley
BLOOD GNOME (Terror right under your feet) is a film so bad they felt the need to give it a second tag line (Creatures with a voracious appetite for blood)
BLOOD GNOME is an indie with ideas of grandeur and, given the sort of budget ROB ZOMBIE is now given there is a real chance it would turn out less of a prime Turkey than this one.
The Plot, such as it is, involves a Police Camera man (Vincent Bilancio - who looks remarkably like JAKE BURNS from STIFF LITTLE FINGERS) with a strange x-ray camera (an excuse for a shot seeing through a buxom Police womans clothes) who is investigating a series of brutal murders within the S & M scene. There is a long period where the movie trys to explain the mysteries of the various fetish sub genres with explanitory footage of naked people hurting each other. Not gratuitous at all and pads out a film that would be 15 minutes long if plot driven alone.
With the help of a stunningly beautiful BETTY PAGE lookalike (Mellissa Pursley) who happens to be a expert on S & M, the perpetrators of the murders are revealled be Blood Gnomes (Creatures from another dimension we are told helpfully on the box!) who look like someone has attacked a potato with a screwdriver and not the fishing on toadtools in the garden variety.
The final confrontation scene , a whirl of dry ice, blood set in a Gay nightclub, is dire. The den mother of the Gnomes is eaten by them and they inexplicably disapear in a flash of light.
If its sex and violence you want the film will not disappoint, if its good acting and a beliveable plot you want forget it.
Overall a 1 star film with 2 stars for mellissa Pursley
In The Gutter Looking At Stars
'Its a Wicked World that we live in , it's cruel" - THE TRANSPLANTS
To every X Factor, Pop Idol, Strictly come dancing watching clone there is a flipside, a darkside, a more challenging side. We are hopefull that this blog will reflect that side. Welcome to the world of bad music and bad films, a world where good guys sometimes finish last, a world where big budget does not automatically mean quality and most of all a world which doesnt follow the trend.
IN THE GUTTER LOOKING AT STARS - is a quote from OSCAR WILDE, a man who embraced the less than ordinary that life has to offer and paid a painful price. He was a man who recognised beauty in the most unlikely of places and celebrated life in the raw. An outspoken lover of life. An unlikely hero but a hero non the less.
Two passions fuel the fire of existance, Music and Film and these are passions that will be reflected in this blog - but having said that it is not exclusively a Music and Film blog - we will embrace all the many diverse things that arouse us and the many things that celebrate our brief existance.
Please read on.....
To every X Factor, Pop Idol, Strictly come dancing watching clone there is a flipside, a darkside, a more challenging side. We are hopefull that this blog will reflect that side. Welcome to the world of bad music and bad films, a world where good guys sometimes finish last, a world where big budget does not automatically mean quality and most of all a world which doesnt follow the trend.
IN THE GUTTER LOOKING AT STARS - is a quote from OSCAR WILDE, a man who embraced the less than ordinary that life has to offer and paid a painful price. He was a man who recognised beauty in the most unlikely of places and celebrated life in the raw. An outspoken lover of life. An unlikely hero but a hero non the less.
Two passions fuel the fire of existance, Music and Film and these are passions that will be reflected in this blog - but having said that it is not exclusively a Music and Film blog - we will embrace all the many diverse things that arouse us and the many things that celebrate our brief existance.
Please read on.....
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