ADVENTURES IN POUNDLAND HORROR - No 11 - THE STINK OF FLESH

THE STINK OF FLESH
HOW DO YOU LEAD AN ALTERNATIVE LIFESTYLE WHEN EVERYBODYS DEAD?
A Zombie film and a good indie one at that!
A virus has turned most of the worlds population into flesh eating Zombies and scattered bands of survivors fight to stay out of their way.

Very cool film in which the Hero MATOO is named after the island in ZOMBI 2 (aka ZOMBIE FLESH EATERS a Fulci classic)
The cast look as if they are enjoying themselves when indulging in either kinky sex or zombie slaying with a nail gun.
One of my questions about Zombies is answered when the squaddies hove into view tracking zombies by smelling zombie poo. Hmm, do zombies shit in the woods? apparently...
Another dude keeps a chained up zombie as a sex slave, and suffers a fate worse than death. No really, worse than the Undeath!
The survivors fuck fight and destroy, all you really need in a genre of film which has started to take itself far too seriously of late. Zombie films are not fucking art they are bloody gory fun
I'll drink to that!
4 stars and a nail gun.

ADVENTURES IN POUNDLAND HORROR - No 10 - CAT IN THE BRAIN

CAT IN THE BRAIN
UN GATTO NEL CERVELLO

aka : NIGHTMARE CONCERT
LUCIO FULCI at his truly warped best with what is in fact a film comprising bits of other FULCI films tacked to the back plot of a horror director cracking up.
I've identified bits of WHEN ALICE BROKE THE MIRROR and GHOSTS OF SODOM but I am sure theres other FULCI gems included.
There is some loss of continuity resultant from switching films and one car scene involves the car changing repeatedly and the back drop moving from ITALY to FLORIDA and back again.
I get the feeling this is somewhat autobiographical and a big FUCK YOU to the censors and the critics. Indeed the film has been banned in the UK and Germany and when you look at the special effects you can see why. Theres one scene where some random bloke is repeatedly run over by a car which is gruesome in a fun way.
Theres some cracking comedy moments between decapitations and disembowlings and unlike most POUNDLAND classics I will watch this again and still enjoy it. Watch out for the corpse blinking as its dragged away - classic.
Watched with Vodka this film is PUNK FUCKING ROCK!
FIVE STARS and a chainsaw.

ADVENTURES IN POUNDLAND HORROR - No 9 - HELLINGER

HELLINGER
HE'LL RIP OUT YOUR INSIDES
Hellinger is the ghost of a dead Priest who turns up out of the blue to kill anyone who threatens Melissa Moran (SHANA SOSIN).
Its a low budget movie filmed in New York and manages to be both sleazy and cheap with unconvincing hookers and a cop straight out of Hill Street Blues. The hero, macho tattoo covered biker Kendall Ransom ( ARTIE RICHARD) gets to wander about in wrap round shades and leather trench coat looking tough. Hey theres even a nude scene so we can all admire his tats.
The back story is distracting with lengthy cuts to an unconvincing psychiatrist in a dodgy wig and tash sitting in his office (looks like the directers bedsit but hey its a low budget film)
Theres gore galore and even a rape scene involving a bowie knife which made me wince.  Unclothed women are everywhere but they are necessary to the plot (Right!).
The film isnt truly awfull and at times seems to be a TROMA film ; indeed TROMA  references abound, one of the actors sports a TROMA T shirt and theres even a TROMA poster on the wall in one bedroom scene.
Blood Guts and Boobies - sometimes its all you need and only 70 minutes long so it can be watched while getting ready to do something more fulfilling.
3 stars and a Very bloody pussy.

ADVENTURES IN POUNDLAND HORROR - No 8 - PUPPET MASTER

PUPPET MASTER
TAG LINE : EVIL COMES IN ALL SIZES

Another CHARLES BAND production and this time its fucking great. The spirit of 80s Horror with nary a bimbo in sight - some cool Milf's though - IRENE MIRACLE is hot to trot thought but I digress.
The film starts with the death of the original Puppet Master in the 1930,s but only after he has hidden his creations in the hotel room wall.
The puppets ( Tunneler - who has a drill bit head, Leech woman who barfs leeches onto her victims, Pin Head - big body, little head,Blade - a knife wielding psychopath & Jester the brains of the crew) are spot on - actually managing to mutilate and maim their victims in ever more gory and imaginative ways.
Cut to the 80's - big hair and shoulder pads - the puppets have come into the hands of an magician searching for imortality.
A motley collection of psychics and oddballs are all killed as the film charges to a banquet with mutilated dead guests sat at the dinner table.
The ending where the puppets turn on their master who is trapped in an art deco lift is all you'd want it to be, complete with chopped off fingers (which spurt green blood??!!) and a giant leech down the throat. Apparently there are loads of sequels to this movie and according to the IMDB website, a new sequel is being made at the moment!
All in all an hour and half well spent.
4 stars and a leech.
Warning: this film contains scenes with a stuffed dog and lots and lots of leeches!

ADVENTURES IN POUNDLAND HORROR - No 7 - DEAD MANS HAND

DEAD MANS HAND - CASINO OF THE DAMNED
TAGLINE - EVERY GAME ENDS IN SUDDEN DEATH

Directed by the near legend CHARLES BRAND and starring SID HAIG (HOUSE OF A 1000 CORPSES), MICHAEL BERRYMAN (THE HILLS HAVE EYES) and SCOTT WHYTE (REEKER) I had high hopes for this one. How wrong I was!

After 3 false starts,'cos you have to be in exactly the right state of inhebriation to watch some films as you know, I finally got round to watching this one at 5 am on a Sunday morning.

What a fucking clunker! The acting is forced, the special effects seem to consist of buckets of blood being randomly thrown over people and the plot, such as it is, exists to bore the audience rigid between the action.

After inheriting a cursed casino (as you do) a group of friends have a road trip to check it out. The Casino, it turns out, is inhabited by the ghosts of ROY 'THE WORD' DONAHUE (HAIG) and GIL WACHETTA (BERRYMAN). The ghosts do not want the teens there and start hacking bits off them and the finale is a poker game for their souls. One unitentional joke is the gangster croupier turning into a MR POTATO HEAD with glowing eyes for no real reason. No random nudity either, Bollocks what a waste of talent.

no stars and no point.

ADVENTURES IN POUNDLAND HORROR - No 6 - DAWN OF THE LIVING DEAD

AKA : EVIL GRAVE - CURSE OF THE MAYA
TAG LINE : ON THIS DAY THE DEAD WILL DEVOUR THE LIVING

Not strictly a POUNDLAND film, nope this one came from POUNDWORLD!

Starring the ever great JOE ESTEVEZ as a psychiatrist who takes his girlfriend (also his patient) to a isolated farm near the Mexican boarder. The family of Mayans who lived there before having been done in by a psycho windmill engineer!. Anyway back from the dead they come amid great scenes of flesh eating and pus dripping.

This is nothing whatsoever to do with the DAWN OF THE DEAD films lacking the class of even that franchise but it is still a good laugh and has some great one liners such as...

'If we go out there they'll chew us a new ass' (yep in a shed surrounded by zombies).

On seeing 3 books on a book shelf the hero/ villian says ' So you're a big reader are you?'

As usual any film with ESTEVEZ in it cant be all bad - did you know that at the time of writing he has been in 192 films since 1974.

3 stars and the ESTEVEZ bonus star.

Warning this film contains the following: mystic cornfields, cactus, Todd Bridges (he of US 80s sitcom Different Strokes), oh and the world's finest film end title song Mombie Zombie by Freddie & the Flesheaters... 

STREET TRASH - A DOSE OF INDIE HORROR EXCESS

STREET TRASH
THE TWO DISC MELTOWN EDITION
Lets get one thing straight, this is not high art, this is a low brow gutter level comedy horror and it fucking rocks.
A few years back when this first came out on video it was essential late night drunken viewing for the punks and unlike a lot of things from back then it has stood the test of time. The bonus disc includes the original 16mm short film where VIPER was actually THUNDERBIRD and extensive interviews with the cast, the producer and some random passers by.
The action centres on a New York scrap yard run by a fat slob with a taste for necrophelia and inhabited by a gang of derelicts run by BRONSON the psycho vietnam vet. The daily search for a few bucks to buy booze is enlivened by an unearthed box of VIPER wine that is going for a buck a bottle in the local off-licence.
The only side effect is it makes the drinker either melt or explode.
It works because this film is big on the special effects and gore plus it has a kicking sense of the absurd. The sex scenes are grusome and the mafia sub plot is all killer.
This film has no socially redeeming features, it kicks for the sick and scores every time.
If this film was a punk band it would be the ANTI NOWHERE LEAGUE.
5 stars and a salute to the drunk.
Warning - this film contains a scene involving a severed penis..  oh and someone melting down into a toilet bowl..