Sunday, 29 January 2012

Phenomena aka Creepers

(Worksop man plays a scotsman - SHOCK!!!)

Tagline - Jennifer Has A Few Million Close Friends. She's Going To Need Them

This 1985 offering from one of the horror genres masters Dario Argento is sylish and, for the Italian horror scene, beautifully shot. Set and filmed in Switzerland, the film starts of with a random Schoolgirl missing a bus and getting brutally murdered after which we see her head being thrown down a waterfall.

If you can take the nastiness and the violence, Phenomena is, visually, as stunning as anything Argento has ever done in his career, excepting perhaps Suspiria. The film’s first murder is set in the daytime on the beautiful Swiss countryside. In this beginning’s final shot we see a beautiful river flowing away, then the victim’s severed head fall directly in. Few directors have understood the power of having the beautiful and the beastly simultaneously in the same scene – fewer still have mastered it. For Argento, it seems to be an inborn instinct. The worlds he shows us can be lovely, macabre, dreamlike, and gruesome all within the same frame. Phenomena is no exception

The now completely rotting head is found some weeks later and, as it is covered in maggots, taken to world renown entomologist  John McGregor (Donald Pleasence). The prof then informs us that the head had been knocking around for several weeks Duh!.

A little rich girl (Jennifer Connoly) shows up at a swiss boarding school where all the school girls seem to be in training to become hookers or something and is bullied when the girls realise she has the ability to control insects. There is a marvelous scene involving lots of blow flies blotting out the moon as they descend to wreak havoc with her tormentors.

Pleasence is a tour de force as the wheelchair bound professor who has a helper monkey who is pleasantly chilling especially when wielding a scalpel.

The version of the film I saw became a bit disjointed but we soon find out there is a serial killer on the loose who, according to Pleasence, likes to keep the bodies of the victims close at hand while they decompose.
Using a coffin beatle to locate the bodies Jennifer tracks down the murderer and their hideous offspring and a final showdown in a underground charnal house is both gross and engagingly funny.

Loads of gore and a lively pace keep this film watchable even now and Argento uses every trick in the book to dispatch the various characters. Being an Argento film it has to have some eye popping and scissors. This is a film I could watch again which is saying something.

The version I watched seems to be the original USA release which has 30 minutes missing from it - Anchor Bay have released the full version.

5 skulls and a severed head.

Sunday, 22 January 2012

DRIVE IN MASSACRE (1977)
YOUR NIGHTMARES ARE ABOUT TO COME TRUE


The tagline says it all really, what a full blown turkey this film is.
Starring ahem...John F Goff (Ilsa, the hareem keeper of the oil shieks, the witch that came out of the sea), Douglas Gudbye (Ilsa again) & Steve Vincent (loads of 70s porn)
The poster featured the following warning: "DRIVE-IN MASSACRE has been deemed by an independent film board to be too terrifying for viewing by the average theatre patron. For this reason, it is suggested that those of you with severe emotional disorders or chronic coronary dysfunction NOT see this movie. The risk is entirely yours."
Ha Ha Ha!
Amateur hour acting, no coherent plot and a budget of nothing.
the plot, such as it is, involves two over weight cops (one in drag for part of the film) chasing a serial killer at a run down drive in movie theatre. The victims are possibly the oldest teenagers ever captured on film and the location suddenly changes to a warehouse for some, unexplained, reason.
Check out the wonderous acting - the 'teenager' has just been stabbed through the neck with a long sword - she looks as if she has swallowed a piece of toblerone.


So this leads up to a fantastic "non ending", who was the murderer??  Hmm seems like even the film-makers couldn't be bothered to come up with a villain and the film just abruptly ends!

Here is another "brillant" moment from the film - the two cops decide they should go undercover and  go to the drive-in theatre pretending to be a kissing couple so they can catch the murder..  Which leads to one of the characters asking the "female" if she has a cousin. 

Johnny Depp  as  the Mad Hatter and his date Marlon Brando

It promises a lot of gore and fails to deliver - its too anemic to be a slasher.
Rating : If watched when sober 0 out of 5
If watched when drunk 5 beers out of 5 (for the acting alone)



Sunday, 1 January 2012

SCANNERS (DAVID CRONENBERG'S)

...Their thoughts can kill
...10 Seconds: The pain begins
...15 Seconds: You can't breathe
...20 seconds: You Explode!

What can I say that hasn't been said a zillion times before - this is a classic tale of people with psychic ability being victimised by a military backed government unless, of course, they use their powers for military purposes.
Staring Stephen Lack (not really an actor but an internationally respected painter and sculptor), Michael Ironside (Total Recall , Robocop), Jennifer O'Neill (Fulci's The Psychic) and the ever amazing Patrick McGoohan (The Prisoner, Braveheart)
The film is a product of it's time and reflects  the paranoia of the cold war when the military would try anything to get the upper hand against the red menace (a precurser to THE MEN WHO STARE AT GOATS?)

Thankfully from the days before CGI vanila blandness the fX are great - the exploding head scene is legend and achieved by filling  a balloon with offal and blasting it with a shotgun. Really cool.
The film is fast paced and if any film deserves it's cult status (a status that is banded about too easily these days) its this Cronenberg classic

4 beers and an exploding head out of 5