ADVENTURES IN POUNDLAND HORROR - No 14 - NIGHTMARES IN A DAMAGED BRAIN

Tag line - One moment of ultra violence that once seen is never forgotten.
AKA:- Blood Splash / Nightmare
Cauchemars à Daytona Beach (France)

Flucht aus gnadenloser Hölle (West Germany)

Koszmar (Poland)

Mardrömmen (Sweden)

Painajainen (Finland)

Schizo (Australia video title)

If its gore you want this once banned Nasty delivers in buckets.
When he was a little boy George witnessed his his father engaged in a little light S& M with a hooker (who he also kills for good measure), thus causing him to trip over the edge into psychosis and bloody murder. The thoroughly deranged adult George has been living in a lunatic asylum, but thanks to a typical idiotic psychiatrist who doesn't seem to understand that George is a foaming at the mouth nutcase, George is released to the wide world to wreak havoc to any poor unfortunate young woman who strays into his path. Interwined in the plot is a babysitter looking after three young kids, one of whom notices George spying on them at home and at a day out on the beach...
A low budget cult classic, this film was very surprising, it exactly made my flesh crawl! Indeed once seen never forgotten!
Warning: this film contains the following: sleazy sex club which George visits on his first day out of the lunatic asylum (especially love the scene where after witnessing a stripper play with a vibrator, George collapses on the floor foaming at the mouth!), mannequin decapitation, scary young boy named CJ!
A video nastytastic 5 out of 5

ADVENTURES IN POUNDLAND HORROR - No 13 - MEMORIAL DAY KILLER

MEMORIAL DAY KILLER
BEERS. BURGERS, BLOODSHED, IT'S GOING TO BE A SCREAM
Straight up rip off of FRIDAY THE 13th complete with drowned in a lake evil mask wearing lunatic.
A group of teens going to a woodland cabin to get drunk and partay! It's the anniversary of the death during a similar party of a slightly retarded son of junkie parents. Its all so familiar...
The deaths are quite imaginative and gory which raises it slightly above yer bog average slasher, but with the normal quota of irritating teens and bad acting.
Shot on a budget of $7,000 this is true indie horror and for that reason I'll cut it some slack
Its not truly bad, just derivative at times but suffers from a lack of pace at times which you really need at times of running throught the woods screaming!
Twist at the end - but well telegraphed - Lisafer had got it well before the end (but the twist ending doesn't make any bloody sense at all!).
Warning - this movie contains the following: 10 minutes of bickering in a car about taking a piss stop, 10 minutes of whinging teen asking "has anybody seen my keys?", and an amazing blooper: guy takes his shirt off, cut to a scene where he decides he needs to look in his trouser pockets for something, lo and behold his shirt is magically on!   
2 stars and a hockey mask (made of papier mache).

In The Gutter Looking At Stars 12 : FLESH FOR THE BEAST

POUNDLAND treasure this time, the uncut version of this Fulciesque gore and nudity fantasy.
Tag Line : OPEN THE GATE, STEP IN, LOSE YOUR MIND
Dunno where the gate is but still, it could be the gate to the lovely gothic house in which the film is set, or it could be a metaphysical gate, or it could be a tag line writer too bloody lazy to watch the film.
A 1920s mad millionaire gets his hands on an egyptian amulet which promises great power but, as a side effect unleashes three (or four) Succubi who have sex with and then devour men (and women).
Cut to the present and a group of university funded parapsychologist engage on a ghost hunt led by the worlds least convincing scientist who wears a tight white vest ( a black dude who's name escapes me) all muscles and macho one liners.
One by one the investigators are picked off by the succubuses fulfilling their fantasys before ripping them to shreds. Great fx - not cgi , just good honest to goodness offal bags - great. reminds me of clasic 80s Italian gore.
The twist at the end is a suprise, well it was for me but I had been distracted by the full frontal nudity a bit.
One of poundlands best.
Sadly Lisafer didnt like this - says its a bloke film
5 stars and a flange shot.(Dave)
1 star and a soggy body part (Lisafer)

ADVENTURES IN POUNDLAND HORROR - No 11 - THE STINK OF FLESH

THE STINK OF FLESH
HOW DO YOU LEAD AN ALTERNATIVE LIFESTYLE WHEN EVERYBODYS DEAD?
A Zombie film and a good indie one at that!
A virus has turned most of the worlds population into flesh eating Zombies and scattered bands of survivors fight to stay out of their way.

Very cool film in which the Hero MATOO is named after the island in ZOMBI 2 (aka ZOMBIE FLESH EATERS a Fulci classic)
The cast look as if they are enjoying themselves when indulging in either kinky sex or zombie slaying with a nail gun.
One of my questions about Zombies is answered when the squaddies hove into view tracking zombies by smelling zombie poo. Hmm, do zombies shit in the woods? apparently...
Another dude keeps a chained up zombie as a sex slave, and suffers a fate worse than death. No really, worse than the Undeath!
The survivors fuck fight and destroy, all you really need in a genre of film which has started to take itself far too seriously of late. Zombie films are not fucking art they are bloody gory fun
I'll drink to that!
4 stars and a nail gun.

ADVENTURES IN POUNDLAND HORROR - No 10 - CAT IN THE BRAIN

CAT IN THE BRAIN
UN GATTO NEL CERVELLO

aka : NIGHTMARE CONCERT
LUCIO FULCI at his truly warped best with what is in fact a film comprising bits of other FULCI films tacked to the back plot of a horror director cracking up.
I've identified bits of WHEN ALICE BROKE THE MIRROR and GHOSTS OF SODOM but I am sure theres other FULCI gems included.
There is some loss of continuity resultant from switching films and one car scene involves the car changing repeatedly and the back drop moving from ITALY to FLORIDA and back again.
I get the feeling this is somewhat autobiographical and a big FUCK YOU to the censors and the critics. Indeed the film has been banned in the UK and Germany and when you look at the special effects you can see why. Theres one scene where some random bloke is repeatedly run over by a car which is gruesome in a fun way.
Theres some cracking comedy moments between decapitations and disembowlings and unlike most POUNDLAND classics I will watch this again and still enjoy it. Watch out for the corpse blinking as its dragged away - classic.
Watched with Vodka this film is PUNK FUCKING ROCK!
FIVE STARS and a chainsaw.

ADVENTURES IN POUNDLAND HORROR - No 9 - HELLINGER

HELLINGER
HE'LL RIP OUT YOUR INSIDES
Hellinger is the ghost of a dead Priest who turns up out of the blue to kill anyone who threatens Melissa Moran (SHANA SOSIN).
Its a low budget movie filmed in New York and manages to be both sleazy and cheap with unconvincing hookers and a cop straight out of Hill Street Blues. The hero, macho tattoo covered biker Kendall Ransom ( ARTIE RICHARD) gets to wander about in wrap round shades and leather trench coat looking tough. Hey theres even a nude scene so we can all admire his tats.
The back story is distracting with lengthy cuts to an unconvincing psychiatrist in a dodgy wig and tash sitting in his office (looks like the directers bedsit but hey its a low budget film)
Theres gore galore and even a rape scene involving a bowie knife which made me wince.  Unclothed women are everywhere but they are necessary to the plot (Right!).
The film isnt truly awfull and at times seems to be a TROMA film ; indeed TROMA  references abound, one of the actors sports a TROMA T shirt and theres even a TROMA poster on the wall in one bedroom scene.
Blood Guts and Boobies - sometimes its all you need and only 70 minutes long so it can be watched while getting ready to do something more fulfilling.
3 stars and a Very bloody pussy.

ADVENTURES IN POUNDLAND HORROR - No 8 - PUPPET MASTER

PUPPET MASTER
TAG LINE : EVIL COMES IN ALL SIZES

Another CHARLES BAND production and this time its fucking great. The spirit of 80s Horror with nary a bimbo in sight - some cool Milf's though - IRENE MIRACLE is hot to trot thought but I digress.
The film starts with the death of the original Puppet Master in the 1930,s but only after he has hidden his creations in the hotel room wall.
The puppets ( Tunneler - who has a drill bit head, Leech woman who barfs leeches onto her victims, Pin Head - big body, little head,Blade - a knife wielding psychopath & Jester the brains of the crew) are spot on - actually managing to mutilate and maim their victims in ever more gory and imaginative ways.
Cut to the 80's - big hair and shoulder pads - the puppets have come into the hands of an magician searching for imortality.
A motley collection of psychics and oddballs are all killed as the film charges to a banquet with mutilated dead guests sat at the dinner table.
The ending where the puppets turn on their master who is trapped in an art deco lift is all you'd want it to be, complete with chopped off fingers (which spurt green blood??!!) and a giant leech down the throat. Apparently there are loads of sequels to this movie and according to the IMDB website, a new sequel is being made at the moment!
All in all an hour and half well spent.
4 stars and a leech.
Warning: this film contains scenes with a stuffed dog and lots and lots of leeches!

ADVENTURES IN POUNDLAND HORROR - No 7 - DEAD MANS HAND

DEAD MANS HAND - CASINO OF THE DAMNED
TAGLINE - EVERY GAME ENDS IN SUDDEN DEATH

Directed by the near legend CHARLES BRAND and starring SID HAIG (HOUSE OF A 1000 CORPSES), MICHAEL BERRYMAN (THE HILLS HAVE EYES) and SCOTT WHYTE (REEKER) I had high hopes for this one. How wrong I was!

After 3 false starts,'cos you have to be in exactly the right state of inhebriation to watch some films as you know, I finally got round to watching this one at 5 am on a Sunday morning.

What a fucking clunker! The acting is forced, the special effects seem to consist of buckets of blood being randomly thrown over people and the plot, such as it is, exists to bore the audience rigid between the action.

After inheriting a cursed casino (as you do) a group of friends have a road trip to check it out. The Casino, it turns out, is inhabited by the ghosts of ROY 'THE WORD' DONAHUE (HAIG) and GIL WACHETTA (BERRYMAN). The ghosts do not want the teens there and start hacking bits off them and the finale is a poker game for their souls. One unitentional joke is the gangster croupier turning into a MR POTATO HEAD with glowing eyes for no real reason. No random nudity either, Bollocks what a waste of talent.

no stars and no point.

ADVENTURES IN POUNDLAND HORROR - No 6 - DAWN OF THE LIVING DEAD

AKA : EVIL GRAVE - CURSE OF THE MAYA
TAG LINE : ON THIS DAY THE DEAD WILL DEVOUR THE LIVING

Not strictly a POUNDLAND film, nope this one came from POUNDWORLD!

Starring the ever great JOE ESTEVEZ as a psychiatrist who takes his girlfriend (also his patient) to a isolated farm near the Mexican boarder. The family of Mayans who lived there before having been done in by a psycho windmill engineer!. Anyway back from the dead they come amid great scenes of flesh eating and pus dripping.

This is nothing whatsoever to do with the DAWN OF THE DEAD films lacking the class of even that franchise but it is still a good laugh and has some great one liners such as...

'If we go out there they'll chew us a new ass' (yep in a shed surrounded by zombies).

On seeing 3 books on a book shelf the hero/ villian says ' So you're a big reader are you?'

As usual any film with ESTEVEZ in it cant be all bad - did you know that at the time of writing he has been in 192 films since 1974.

3 stars and the ESTEVEZ bonus star.

Warning this film contains the following: mystic cornfields, cactus, Todd Bridges (he of US 80s sitcom Different Strokes), oh and the world's finest film end title song Mombie Zombie by Freddie & the Flesheaters... 

STREET TRASH - A DOSE OF INDIE HORROR EXCESS

STREET TRASH
THE TWO DISC MELTOWN EDITION
Lets get one thing straight, this is not high art, this is a low brow gutter level comedy horror and it fucking rocks.
A few years back when this first came out on video it was essential late night drunken viewing for the punks and unlike a lot of things from back then it has stood the test of time. The bonus disc includes the original 16mm short film where VIPER was actually THUNDERBIRD and extensive interviews with the cast, the producer and some random passers by.
The action centres on a New York scrap yard run by a fat slob with a taste for necrophelia and inhabited by a gang of derelicts run by BRONSON the psycho vietnam vet. The daily search for a few bucks to buy booze is enlivened by an unearthed box of VIPER wine that is going for a buck a bottle in the local off-licence.
The only side effect is it makes the drinker either melt or explode.
It works because this film is big on the special effects and gore plus it has a kicking sense of the absurd. The sex scenes are grusome and the mafia sub plot is all killer.
This film has no socially redeeming features, it kicks for the sick and scores every time.
If this film was a punk band it would be the ANTI NOWHERE LEAGUE.
5 stars and a salute to the drunk.
Warning - this film contains a scene involving a severed penis..  oh and someone melting down into a toilet bowl..

RANDOM STEVEN SEGAL FILMS NUMBER ONE - RENEGADE JUSTICE

aka URBAN JUSTICE
It is no secret that I am a sucker for Steven Segal films, not great works of art but bring to the screen exactly what you want on a wet Sunday afternoon with a becks on the go. This is a pretty formularised plot - man with a violent past (Segal natch) out to revenge the killing of his cop son in a seemingly random gang related drive by in Los Angeles. He gets a seedy flat above a liquer store and proceeds to attack every gang banger in sight - obviously they are not to blame so he ends up kicking corrupt coppers - cliche'd yes - boring NO!
The cameo by DANNY  TREJO is a bonus.
Some great fight scenes and even a gang of neo nazis getting a kicking to prove that the film isnt racist, Some of the dialogue is priceless
" Gonna dip your motherfuckin ass in warm olive oil and put you on roller skates" is one gem..
Steven Segal, a man dumb enough to bring a fist to a gun fight.
Warning this film contains several flashbacks from Segal's character where he goes through the entire plot (just in case you forgot he was out for revenge / justice)
Great fun, 4 stars and a knuckle duster.

ADVENTURES IN POUNDLAND HORROR - No 5 - JIGSAW

TAGLINE - PUT HIM TOGETHER, HE WILL TEAR YOU APART

Wow what a turkey, what a waste of a good plot, what an exhibition of bad acting and lacklustre gore.

The Plot involves a bunch af very adult looking art students who are each given a piece of a mannequin dummy, as part of an art project (which for some strange reason the art teacher decides to do in a bar?!) This results in a destinctly punk rock looking dummy (Metal Mowhawk et al.). Obviously each mannequin body part has significance to the artist and back tales of incest, murder and abuse pad out the film. It could be interesting but somehow it is boring. I think it may have been the beers I'd had or the one dimensional characters but I didnt give a fuck - Yep I wanted them to die so I could go off and do something more interesting with my life (such as pair up my bloody sock draw or something!). Wow they even manage to pad out the running time but telling us not once but twice all of the actors in the movie credits at the end! Warning this movie contains one of the female characters dancing in a very short skirt and bra revealing top, drunkenly dancing in a bar for what feels like forever...

no stars and even a minus one for no boobs and very little gore.

ADVENTURES IN POUNDLAND HORROR - No 4 - CAT O'NINE TAILS

Part of the DARIO ARGENTO Giallo collection

DARIO ARGENTO is a master of the Italian Horror Genre and this is a skillfully crafted work of suspense and violence. The scenes are perfectly filmed and the set looks as if it has been stolen from the MAN FROM UNCLE. It is actually supposed to be a clinic specialising in designer babies for rich couples and the industrial espionage subplot does actually work.
The story - A blind man (Karl Malden dubbed into Italian) and his young niece witness a murder and set out with the help of a local journalist (James Fransiscus) to solve the rapidly mounting body count. The references to Hitchcock abound as the suspense is increased. The action pauses midway hrough the film for an inexplicable car chase and every now and again the secrets of italian cooking are revealed for no apparent reason.
Warning - this movie contains a female character whose every item of clothing that she wears appears to have been shredded by a cat... 
Overall a cut above the normal collection of b movies to be found at poundland and with a couple of beers went down a treat.

ADVENTURES IN POUNDLAND HORROR - No 3 - AUTOPSY

AUTOPSY - A LOVE STORY

CHARLIE BICKLE HAS JUST MET THE GIRL OF HIS DREAMS..UNFORTUNATELY SHE DIED THREE DAYS AGO

A very stange, sick and disturbing offering from the good folks at BRAIN DAMAGE films (http://www.braindamagefilms.com/).

Charlie Bickle works in a morgue which harvests organs for the illegal transplant trade. The boss of the enterprise is played by the ever barking mad JOE ESTEVEZ (brother of the rather more famous Martin Sheen) as a cigar munching lunatic. Great over acting and hystronics from Mr Estevez. The plot involves attempts to shut the morgue down by the environmental health officers and Bickle's madcap attempt to get rid of 60 corpses overnight. Did I mention that Bickle not just talks to the corpses but he starts to go on a date with one of the Jane Doe's in the morgue.. Bickle has an crippled wife at home and embarks on an affair with the twin sister of a corpse he has fallen in love with. There is a great sick scene where he takes the corpse to dinner with his mother's ashes. If decomposing bodies and comedy is your thing this film will not let you down. It is however the product of a very sick mind.

2 stars  plus 1 more for Joe Estafez!

ADVENTURES IN POUNDLAND HORROR - No 2 - STRANGE THINGS HAPPEN AT SUNDOWN

"They're Psychopaths, Sociopaths, Killers, Loonies, Weirdos... Oh Yeah, One more thing... They're all Vampires" - the worlds longest tagline compounded by a second tagline.."You wont never want to see a sunset again" - Ouch!
The packaging to this DVD is bloody awful but the film is rather good. I mean the cover doesn't exactly sell this film as being very exciting.
A better tagline for this movie is Goodfellas with fangs. This is a New York indie (from Insane - O - Rama )Productions) http://www.insane-o-rama.com/ where Vampires are just regular Joe's with fangs, mobsters, Hooligans and (I love this twist) born again Christians. Yep Kill for blood all your life and Jesus will forgive you so everythings ok.
The Grim Reaper puts in an appearance as a hit man who used to be Vlad The Impaler (Que frat boy being impaled up the bum and the reapers comment "I havent done that for a long time"). He is married to the houseproud psychopath Countess Bathory. the sub plot about a smelly sock is priceless.
Two Vamps steal the Vamp Mobsters cash and do a runner to Canada where they are being pursued by the Reaper.

Warning this film contains gratuitious scantly clad young woman writhing on the floor covered in blood, oh and stoner kids being turned into zombies...
Blood Guts and laughs, this is the perfect Night in with Beer film and well worth the Poundland quid
4 stars and a bit of garlic.

ADVENTURES IN POUNDLAND HORROR - No 1 - BLOOD GNOME

A love of a bargain and a love of horror met head on in Poundland. The stream of bankrupt stock coming through Poundland reflects the effects that the recession is having on the movie industry and provides a way of seeing films for a quid. The good the bad and the bloody strange.
BLOOD GNOME (Terror right under your feet) is a film so bad they felt the need to give it a second tag line (Creatures with a voracious appetite for blood)
BLOOD GNOME is an indie with ideas of grandeur and, given the sort of budget ROB ZOMBIE is now given there is a real chance it would turn out less of a prime Turkey than this one.
The Plot, such as it is, involves a Police Camera man (Vincent Bilancio - who looks remarkably like JAKE BURNS from STIFF LITTLE FINGERS) with a strange x-ray camera (an excuse for a shot seeing through a buxom Police womans clothes) who is investigating a series of brutal murders within the S & M scene. There is a long period where the movie trys to explain the mysteries of the various fetish sub genres with explanitory footage of naked people hurting each other. Not gratuitous at all and pads out a film that would be 15 minutes long if plot driven alone.
With the help of a stunningly beautiful BETTY PAGE lookalike (Mellissa Pursley) who happens to be a expert on S & M, the perpetrators of the murders are revealled be  Blood Gnomes (Creatures from another dimension we are told helpfully on the box!) who look like someone has attacked a potato with a screwdriver and not the fishing on toadtools in the garden variety.
The final confrontation scene , a whirl of dry ice, blood set in a Gay nightclub, is dire. The den mother of the Gnomes is eaten by them and they inexplicably disapear in a flash of light.
If its sex and violence you want the film will not disappoint, if its good acting and a beliveable plot you want forget it.
Overall a 1 star film with 2 stars for mellissa Pursley

In The Gutter Looking At Stars

'Its a Wicked World that we live in , it's cruel" - THE TRANSPLANTS
To every X Factor, Pop Idol, Strictly come dancing watching clone there is a flipside, a darkside, a more challenging side. We are hopefull that this blog will reflect that side. Welcome to the world of bad music and bad films, a world where good guys sometimes finish last, a world where big budget does not automatically mean quality and most of all a world which doesnt follow the trend.
IN THE GUTTER LOOKING AT STARS - is a quote from OSCAR WILDE, a man who embraced the less than ordinary that life has to offer and paid a painful price. He was a man who recognised beauty in the most unlikely of places and celebrated life in the raw. An outspoken lover of life. An unlikely hero but a hero non the less.
Two passions fuel the fire of existance, Music and Film and these are passions that will be reflected in this blog - but having said that it is not exclusively a Music and Film blog - we will embrace all the many diverse things that arouse us and the many things that celebrate our brief existance.
Please read on.....